TERMS OF SERVICE

THESE TERMS OF SERVICE GOVERN YOUR USE OF THIS WEB SITE. PUTTING THIS NOTICE IN ALL CAPS MAKES IT MORE IMPORTANT, SO PAY ATTENTION!

ACCESS

YOU MUST BE EIGHTEEN (18, IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT "EIGHTEEN" MEANS) YEARS OR OLDER TO ACCESS THIS WEB SITE. ACTUALLY, YOU MUST ONLY BE ABLE TO CLICK A MOUSE TO ACCESS IT, BUT YOU MUST BE EIGHTEEN (AGAIN, 18) YEARS OR OLDER TO STICK AROUND. ACTUALLY, YOU MUST ONLY BE WILLING TO NOT CLOSE THE WINDOW... UM... JUST TRUST US, YOU MUST BE EIGHTEEN (18... <SIGH>) YEARS OR OLDER. WHATEVER. IT'S NOT LIKE WE ACTUALLY CHECK.

RESTRICTIONS ON USE

Oh, the hell with it. I can't stand the caps anymore. I'll just accept that whatever I type from here on out won't be as forceful or legal as it could have been.

So, restrictions. You may only use this site for the purposes expressly permitted...

You know what? Forget it. Every squeeze page uses the same tired terms of service that they downloaded from a cheap legal "expert". They did a find/replace on "YOURCOMPANY" with the name of the site and called it done. Go find a copy of it and read it if you like - we'll just pretend that I took the time to paste it into the page here.