EARNINGS DISCLAIMERS

SINCE THIS IS TYPED IN ALL CAPS, IT SHOULD BE INFERRED THAT SOMETHING VERY, VERY IMPORTANT IS BEING STATED. IT SHOULD ALSO BE INFERRED THAT SOMETHING TRICKY IS GOING ON, SINCE PARAGRAPHS TYPED IN ALL CAPS ARE HARDER TO READ, AND THEREFORE LESS LIKELY TO BE READ BY ANYONE.

STILL WITH ME?

IF THIS WEBSITE WERE OFFERING A REAL PRODUCT OR SERVICE - YOU KNOW BY NOW THAT IT ISN'T, RIGHT? - THIS PAGE WOULD FEATURE A LOT OF WORDS THAT COME DOWN TO ONE BASIC CONCEPT: YOUR RESULTS WILL VARY. THAT'S IT. NO GUARANTEE OF SUCCESS, PAST PERFORMANCE DOES NOT GUARANTEE FUTURE RESULTS, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

PAGES LIKE THAT EXIST TO EXCUSE THE WEBSITE BUILDER OF ANY AND ALL RESPONSIBILITY IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG WHEN YOU FOLLOW HIS ADVICE - AND LET'S BE HONEST, IF YOU SEE A PAGE LIKE THIS ON A SITE LIKE THE ONES THAT ARE BEING PARODIED, YOU SHOULD EXPECT MASSIVE FAILURE. IF YOU SEE THE PHRASE "YOU MUST ACCEPT THE RISK OF NOT DOING AS WELL" OR "ONLY ESTIMATES WHAT WHAT WE THINK YOU COULD EARN", THAT SITE IS ATTEMPTING TO PROVE THE OLD ADAGE THAT A FOOL AND HIS MONEY ARE SOON PARTED.

DON'T BE A FOOL.